could amy sedaris be the funniest bitch alive

http://vids.eonline.com/services/link/bcpid1396519019/bctid1877535273

Most internet videos don't actually make me laugh. They're like jokes that people tell at dinner parties. I politely watch and make a mental note whether or not I was entertained.

Amy Sedaris, however, and her vaginal hygiene tips, that broad makes me laugh.

I think it was a BLACK MAN!

"A Message From Your Typical Obama Supporter"
Heh, or so the subject line read when I opened an email from a good but politically mislead friend this morning. I'd already heard the story on the radio and was in fact ready to look up the photo that accompanied it, so his timing was great. I already had some questions as to the validity of this far fetched tale.
Now, stay with me here because I have a larger point.
You may attribute my skepticism to my already determined vote for Obama. However, I think that's dismissive of the fact that I have a history of skepticism that usually seems to pan out. Especially when trying to suss out the truth from an often confusingly biased or just simply confused mass media. And that's why I can proudly state that I never voted for Bush. Not even the first time when we had no reason but to take him at his word. I thought then however, that he seemed mostly harmless and befuddled half the time. Little did I know what would lie in store for us for the next 8 years.
Now, my Republican friends, not even a question as to the validity of the woman's story, even though the CNN story stated 3 different times this morning that police could not substantiate the story. They must've scanned past those lines (attributable to the 'liberal media' operative that is CNN, I guess).
And here's the kicker for me. The word 'typical' being used in that subject line. Hmm. Now that we have a confession from a mentally unstable attention whore, would I be accurate to assume that she represents a typical crazy white woman who supports McCain (much in the same way that the original story painted the picture of a 'typical' Obama supporter which is apparently is believably enough a robbing illiterate [backwards B] black man)? Do you have to be mentally ill/out of touch with reality to vote for McCain?
Hey, I'm just saying this story has got it all -- two of the greatest towering racial stereotypes of the 20th century -- the black criminal out to hurt white women and a crazy ass white bitch in need of attention. Except one of those, in this case, isn't a figment of the imagination of the mass consciousness.

Customer Name: Random Douchebag

In deference to this article by way of Tony's KC: http://www.kmbc.com/news/17768390/detail.html?rss=kc1&psp=news#-
Surprising entries on your receipt when you take something back to one of those overpriced dens of medocrity at Oak Park Mall (seriously, check your receipts):

Customer Name: Pedophile Withtoomuchfacialhair
Customer Name: Dissociative GothWhale
Customer Name: Stupid Whitebitchwith9kidsandacoupon
Customer Name: Androgynous Teenagerwithacoke/eyelinerproblem
Employee ID: Parkinglot Handjobs$1
Store ID: Human Litterbox01

I mean, excuse me, but for fuck's sake. You can't even take back a pair of shoes as a black man without getting looked down on by some night school dropout whose parents won't make them move out of the basement.
By the way, I won't be shopping there. I won't be taking my children there. If I want to pay too much for clothing made in China, I'll go support my friends at The Legends. Or Independence Center. Or Town Center. Fuck Oak Park Mall.

to crown center with love

You're like an airport mall. Full of half-lost travelers, a captive audience and home to the area's only hive of useless gift shops. But unlike the P&L, you're family-friendly. Fritz's is always a hit and the hobby train shop on the top floor is full of curiosities. Really, $800 for a toy train?
Plus, you're a better reflection of KC. There's none of the JoCo veneer to the people walking these hallways. There's an element of danger in this crowd. You find yourself wondering if the angry girl in the hijab would just as soon shank you as look at you. It's fine. It's good to remember that tension's there.
But Ro, he's oblivious. Running the length of the Skyway between Union Station and the Westin -- the clouds bouncing around the last rays of sun as twilight rolls in. He's holding court above Main Street, watching the cars zoom to the Lego skyline ahead. The city is grist for the mill of childhood imagination. I'm glad my kids will grow up to be comfortable in the city and take the good with the bad, and all in stride. They won't have to wonder what's beyond the privacy fence in their own backyard. They'll be able to see it, touch it and wonder about it face to face.

this dude totally has a Pussy Wagon

Nursing Assistant Charged With Sodomy

drill baby drill -- old shawnee

Straight Outta Scranton

Once again, a snoozer. At least I learned something new -- the addition of reducing abortion rates has been added to the Dem platform this year? Interesting. Nothing more, I suppose.
CNN's review panel was the highlight of the evening as usual. Jay noted several instances where someone in the crew must've held up a sign off-camera reading, "Vigorous Round of Hurumphs" -- much to my merriment. Campbell O'Brien has a hearty hurumph for such a willowy white broad. Also noted: the Hispanic, Republican Al Sharpton (Alex Castellanos) really is pretty useless, however.

my heart is empty

But my stomach is full on zucchini bread. That's the way it always goes.
I'm back on the muthafucking rag, and it blows (and shows -- evidence the freshly baked zucchini bread with crystallized ginger above). And I'm startled by the finality of it. My baby-birthing days are over, just like that. That time in my life has come to a close and I'm mourning it. The innocence I found there in myself as a new mother. Those tender spots that I still had buried under all the damage, I didn't know they existed or I would've tried harder to kill them off in my reckless youth. But my babies soften them right back up.
There is nothing more beautiful than the unquestioned acceptance of love. A capacity which only a young child can still possess.
It's just been a hell of a whirlwind two years.

my 2 year-old is more politically saavy than you

Or, at least a couple of his uncles. My son can actually successfully identify the two presidential nominees on television. I would put a hefty bill down on him being able to do it faster and more accurately than at least two of his uncles.
Ro also knows the McCain owns 8 houses and 'Bama owns one, just like us (assuming our house were worth 1.4 mill).
I'm thinking of picking up drawing again. I may be posting some stuff here. Keep your eyes peeled, suckas.

congrats katy and rob

These two talented people are great together. They have decided to make it official and I couldn't be happier for them. They're all growed up. Like a proud mama, I recall when we first met Katy and we both looked at each other and said, Wow. Poised and talented and just a hell of a lot of positive energy and good fun, she's a great compliment to Rob's more reserved tack and sardonic wit. Congratulations, you two.

She voted for Hillary Clinton!

And she ain't givin up on ye yet, Hillary!

http://www.wimp.com/horriblepolitics/

Lest you be skeptical that this is a farce, trust me, my husband is from the Ozarks. This broad really exists somewhere.

(Extra points: Watch for the alpaca and tell me, in seconds, how long it took her to deliberate, and ultimately decide against, flashing her floppy boobies.)

in this political season

This should be required reading. And I'm talking about for adults, too. I see 'news' that defies these tenets everyday.

The Fallacy Detective

Equivocation

Appeal to Fear

funny, the ways we hold onto people

 

I teared up today when I couldn't fix my grandma's whisk as I washed it. I'd grabbed it during the glorified looting that happens after every one of us dies. We cooked together often while I was growing up. I took a photo and kissed it before I put it in the trash.
Her namesake is up in her crib crying instead of napping.
It's like she knows. She's still slipping away, bit by bit.