the drift


Monday, September 20, 2004

a very special episode of 'celebrity botched open heart surgery'

so last night. have you ever seen that movie 'may'? and she sews the perfect man? in my dream, i'm a similar sort of experiment for a crazed serial killer heart surgeon. i don't distinctly remember his face, but he seemed to be a mix of matthew broderick, kevin spacey and this guy with a pencil-thin mustache i went on a date with once. his name was Richard and he was a performance art student at kcai. what's the common thread here? creepy men i sense a latent serial killer/mother fixation vibe in. (though i've always considered m. broderick a likeable killer-type.) so in my apartment, he's got a knife and makes me lay out on this big butcher-block top table in my kitchen. it's nighttime and my pov is outside the apartment watching through warehouse type windows at this guy cutting me up. he removes part of my face and most of my fingers. then he opens up my chest and bypasses part of my heart, making it into a one chamber heart. Pov switch, i’m on the table looking up at him through vision that blurs in and out, still alive and trying to figure out how to survive. finally, he finishes and leaves me for dead, my one-chamber heart just barely pumping blood.

somehow i escape down to the street. i have to get to a hospital. i stumble through the streets, and end up at a beautiful clean hospital. but, i don't trust the doctors, dr. serialkillerkevinspacey may work there, so i sneak through the back stairwells.
finally i find someone to help reconstruct my face and heart but i have to agree to appear on america's new favorite reality TV show 'Celebrity Botched Open Heart Surgery'. don
king's brainchild. oprah was already there in the hospital taping so it was a big-time show, or so they told me. i guess the idea was to reconstruct my face to look like a celebrity and thereby make me a legitimate 'Celebrity Botched Open Heart Surgery' contestant. so i go under. don king talks up the surgery like it's the bout to end all bouts. will she survive? all proceeds as planned. i'm ready to leave the hospital, and part of the show is that there is a big send-off with spotlights showing both the team that performed the surgery and the celebrity helicopting into the sunset together.

the next thing i know, i'm in this little plane-helicopter thing (it has wings on the side and a propeller on top). the nurse is sewing up my lip and drops the needle out the window and it pierces the wing. we begin a freefall into the hospital's corporate lake. i look up at the doc and realize it's dr. serialkillerkevinspacey. and at that moment, with the fear in my eyes, he recognizes me as the frankengirl he left for dead. i know as soon as we hit the water he's going to drown me to cover it up.

we hit water, i dive to the bottom. he stays up top to stay in frame for cameras filming our big send-off (thankfully drowning me is not as high of a priority as face-time). i look up and the spotlights light his silhouette as he halfway looks for me under the water’s surface, at the same time waving to be saved. divers now converge on him and take him to safety. it's my chance and i swim to the edge of the lake but the lake doubles as a home for cold-war era bombs. they are still closely protected, even so, scaling them is my only way out. i decide to take the chance that they may see me and shoot, thinking me a spy. luckily, saving the celebrity doctor creates a perfect diversion and i climb the bomb housing and make my way to nearby train tracks.

next thing i know, i'm living in the ghetto of a large northern city. this is my new life. attempting to hide from the evil doctor, i've gained 200 lbs. and become a large androgynous black girl with much-neglected hair (i should know to relax it, but in the dream i’m just inept with my ethnic hair). i've been living here with my surrogate family who took me in, long enough for neighbors to notice me and talk. i decide it's time to leave my hideout and lose the disguise. I drop the weight first. a neighbor boy sees me and falls in love. i'm not too interested, because i know that soon i'll be back to regular white girl sarah and he'll be confused and regretful. then i wake up.

the point is, check out may. creepy feminist girl hasn't been done so well since sissy spacek in carrie.


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