the drift


Sunday, September 21, 2008

ah, moral relativism or more emotional diarrhea

I'm sure I heard this in, maybe a Mamet movie at some point but, it's true. No one thinks of himself as a bad person. We each think we are basically good. I myself think that, of course. But, I also know some pretty fucked up shit about myself. And let me tell you how I came to know those parts of myself. I spent the majority of my late teens and twenties entirely alone. I had no real friends to speak of and certainly no boyfriend. By choice, I spent my twenties sleeping with my flaws, running through fields of wildflowers with them and using them to keep me warm at night. While it was at turns an exercise in hiding from life, it was ultimately a valuable experience, if a lonely and possibly scarring one, but, one I recommend if you have the luxury. It's a journey that's needed here and there in life. A time to find where your boundaries stand and reshape your identity. Again, it's a luxury, work meant for those without larger commitments, most specifically for a woman who does not hold the responsibility of protecting others' hearts.
But you know, I tend to forget that a lot of women haven't had this experience. So, I'm holding them to this standard that is ultimately, I guess, not applicable (I almost used 'unfair' there but I don't like the victimized connotation there).
That said, I consider it my duty to hold my fellow woman up to a higher standard. If I quietly condone tales of victimhood (which most often amount to little more than an elegant way to pass the emotional buck), how is that calling someone to be the better person they are? That's not why I'm here. That's not why you're here. Me blindly offering you patent support (to be a true friend) is not fair to you (and displays all the emotional depth of a 7th grader). It is not you being called to your better self, which speaks to my benevolence (and hopefullness) that I believe that part actually exists.
And that's it for Oprah today, everyone. WTF.
In closing, this has been a random conglomeration of unrelated (and unrelatable) crap, so why not throw this one in:
It's good to understand this world as a cold place, because when you find a warm pocket, you'll cherish it even more.
But a more eloquent and less damaged take-home would be this one credited to Mother Therese:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
(yadda yadda yadda)
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.


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