momo and the giant goths

I'll tell you my tale of woe at my one and only Momo concert.
I was never a big Momo fan anyway, but my college friend Liz was, and he came through Mpls in 1999 I think. Well, ticket sales were so bad that they actually had to move the show from a small auditorium to a pretty big club (the same club where I met Ice-T in 1995, but that's another story). So this was a week night, we were riding the downtown bus home from school and decided to hop off on 1st Ave and see if there were any tix left. I was basically along for the ride. Well, it was early, and indeed there were tix left so against my better judgment, i shelled out that 19 bux for a Momo ticket.
Since it was early, we staked out a spot front and center. The club started to fill with pretty boys and their hags, several of whom were holding huge bouquets of gladiolus for the Man Himself. Then the older crowd with their spouses filled in behind that group. Well, it was tight, and from everything I knew about Momo and his ego, he'd be working the crowd when he got out. I was nervous. There was a group of big-bewbied goth whales (my friend Denis' term, not mine) behind us, holding bouquets and squealing. Momo made his grand entrance. They began to cry through their liquid black eyeliner and wave their gladiolus in the air (wave em like you just don't care) and they began to press forward. I stood my ground. Not content being 10 ft away from Momo, they felt the need to be in my space 6 ft from Momo, so the group thrusted forward. I pushed back. They pushed back. I cussed at them. They laughed and pushed forward, parting the seas with their big goth bewbs. I noticed a goth bewb resting on my shoulder. I realize that I'm slowly sinking in a sea of gothness, and that I can't find my school bag; it's disappeared into the sea. I see that I've been pushed a mere foot or so from the front barrier. I yelled to Security to stop them from pushing forward. Security yelled back at the goth wales "Stop pushing forward!" but to no avail. All the while Momo was playing to them and the inexplicable 12 year olds on the left of us, ratcheting up the frenzy. Taunting me with his graying pompadour. My chest was struggling through each breath. I realized I'd been pushed about a foot away from the barrier up front and I sort of lose it and yell to Security, "Get me the F**K OUT NOW!" so a guy next to me thrusts me up and Security pulls me out.
After the show, I see my school bag resting on the abandoned dance floor and I collect the trampled pages of photocopied essays and notes that are strewn about. Several of which had autographs from some of the Kids in the Hall who I'd met earlier in the semester, and whom I actually liked. I give one leaf to Liz to have signed by Momo, but he is nowhere to be found. Already, he is back on his tour bus relishing the remnants of thrashed gladiolus.
And to this day, I blame Momo the Clown for my fear of crowds. He totally triggered some latent PTSD factor of mine.
And, really, how embarrassing is it to have to be rescued from the crowd at a Morrissey concert?

he is my light

so Baby Ro was baptized last weekend. baptism in the catholic church is, to me, one of the most beautiful ceremonies they offer. That and Ash Wednesday always get me.

On Ash Wednesday, they tell you, "Remember, woman, you are dust and to dust you shall return." and they make the sign of the cross in ashes on your forehead. Lent is as much as about the finitude and suffering of life as it is about the promise of everlasting life. That's something a lot of people today could stand to do some meditating on, especially that evil asshole who almost ran me off the road (see last post). Catholicism is full of depressing imagery like that, and in childhood, those reminders of mortality provided me with a level of self-awareness that came to my aid in plenty of moral-ambiguous situations.

But my other fave, baptism, is a hopeful ceremony. there is a line in which the priest tells the baby, "May you always walk as a Child of the Light." Doesn't sound like much to you maybe, but it encompasses everything I want most for my child. That as he walks through this world, he will always know that he has been chosen to reflect the light of his creator, and amplify it in every day life. Through the challenges of life that often call upon the darkest parts of the soul, he has a compass built in to find his way out. He has been claimed by an ancient belief system that has provided strength, direction and hope to generations of people for ages.

This is a beautiful thing to me.

Now, if you made it this far, you might be reading me as a zealot of some kind. I suppose I could say that I'm not, and I'm well-aware and highly critical of the church's own sins and failures. I'm a reasonably educated third wave feminist; I know all the reasons I should reject my religion.

so why do I persist as a Catholic? As I renewed my own baptism vows this weekend, I remembered why. Ultimately, it's simply because I believe. And in my life, that belief has always been a comfort to me, a unique and precious gift I never asked for, but got anyway. That belief helped me set a spiritual bar for myself at an early age. One that I've all too often fell short of, but nonetheless kept trying for. I suppose I can still respect my religion because I feel lucky to I have one. I feel lucky that I was given something to believe in, and consequently something to rebel against. I feel lucky that I was given the comfort of faith.

And this is my gift to Roman. May you always walk as a child of the light, my dear dear boy. and maybe i can learn that from you.

just in case

i see him again, i now have a blow gun with which to take out that goatee-wearing assmunch.

I'm still coming for you, chop.

die in a fire, asshole II

Man, that's so depressing. I feel so bad for him and his wife
jake [9:31 AM]:me too. what an emotional wreck i'd be.
jake [9:31 AM]:i almost got in a wreck this am with Roman in the car and i started crying.
Shanto [9:31 AM]:really?
jake [9:31 AM]:then i had to drop him at the babysitters where he started wailing at me and i cried some more
jake [9:32 AM]:yeah, i think i'm just having an emotional day. maybe my periods are going to start again or something.
jake [9:32 AM]:yeah, this guy totally tried to run us off the roadbut it was kinda my fault.
Shanto [9:32 AM]:He really tried to, not an accident?
jake [9:32 AM]:he was riding my ass and laying on his horn so i slowed down. i probably shouldn't have done that
Shanto [9:33 AM]:Heh, I would've too
jake [9:34 AM]:so we were diagonal with the car in the lane next to us, i mean sort of, but he like took his truck between our cars and almost sideswiped me. that was better tho, bcz before that i thought he was totally going to ram us from behind
Shanto [9:34 AM]:whataprick
jake [9:34 AM]:i tried to follow him, but i was crying so hard i was afraid i'd get into a real accident. and he was going too fast. s o then i drove around looking for his truck for a long time.
Shanto [9:35 AM]:What would you have done if you found it?
jake [9:35 AM]:keyed it
Shanto [9:35 AM]:You're a loose cannon
jake [9:36 AM]:and monday, jason will have Roman. and i'm going to wait on the on ramp to 70 at 8 am just in case.i can get him.
Shanto [9:36 AM]:no you're not
jake [9:36 AM]:i'm out for blood
Shanto [9:36 AM]:Dude, it's not worth it
jake [9:36 AM]:i'm stealthy
Shanto [9:36 AM]:No you're not
jake [9:36 AM]:am
jake [9:36 AM]:i come like a thief in the night
Shanto [9:37 AM]:That's what Jason said
jake [9:37 AM]:and key yo muthfing truck when you try to kill me and my baby
Shanto [9:37 AM]:What if he kills you. You're doing no favors for Roman doing this.
jake [9:37 AM]:i have this feeling that i will see him again, i just want it to be when Roman isn't in the car.
jake [9:37 AM]:he won't see me.
Shanto [9:38 AM]:You're mangry.
jake [9:38 AM]:i'm MOMgry.
Shanto [9:38 AM]:Did you kill puppies when you were a kid?
jake [9:39 AM]:or maybe i'll just talk to him. and say, you almost killed me and my baby on Friday. Did you get to work on time?
Shanto [9:39 AM]:Then he'll shoot you in the face.
jake [9:39 AM]:no, but that's a better idea. i'll kill his dog.
jake [9:39 AM]:not if i go to his workplace.
jake [9:39 AM]:he can't kill me in front of people.
Shanto [9:40 AM]:there are no rules on this
jake [9:40 AM]:that's true. and that goes both ways.
jake [9:40 AM]:it's a vendetta.
jake [9:40 AM]:I think I'm over it. but i can't be sure.
Shanto [9:41 AM]:You should take up a side job as an assassin to get this shit outta yo' system
jake [9:42 AM]:if i see that blue truck again with the headdress rearview mirror ornament with WY co plates and a man with a long gray goatee in sunglasses driving it, i might snap.
jake [9:42 AM]:i have a crowbar in my trunk for this kind of thing.
Shanto [9:43 AM]:Huh, I thought those were for changing flats ... shows what I know
jake [9:43 AM]:nope, it's for assailants and asshole drivers
Shanto [9:43 AM]:Did you get his tag #
jake [9:43 AM]:you're from the dotte, and you don't know this??
jake [9:43 AM]:no, i was doing well to get the countymaybe under hypnosis i could retrieve it
Shanto [9:44 AM]:I played baseball, so I always had a bat stashed between the two front seats of my camero
jake [9:44 AM]:it had a V in it somewhere, the tag
jake [9:44 AM]:I thought that's how they shipped cameros, factory-issued bat.
Shanto [9:44 AM]:Too bad you didn't get it. We could find out where he lives
jake [9:44 AM]:but i'm more interested in where he works.
Shanto [9:44 AM]:Why?
jake [9:44 AM]:obviously, he NEEDED to be there.
jake [9:45 AM]:he was late - it was 8:10 in the am, and he was late again.out smoking ice on a Th night. I'd like to get him fired anyway. and make him wear that tiny indian headress on his cock before i chop it off and stick it down his throat and come full circle as a cockmunch.
ah, i feel better now!! :)puppies and rainbowsflowers and unicorns

i am (not) trying to break your heart

so this is the first full week at the new sitters. every time i turn for the door, BA cries and screams like he's dying. he looks at me so accusingly: 'You're leaving me with a STRANGER?' And down come the tears.

I am breaking his heart.

I am scarring him.

I am abandoning him.