i suppose this is as a good a place as any to explore my thoughts on motherhood?

Children are a gift from God. but so is Freewill.

most women will experience the tug of war between these two statements at some point in their lives -- and in various scenarios. those who choose to become mothers will feel it daily.

i always said that i wanted my son to know a mother who is empowered and fully engaged in life. but it's a tightrope walk. falling on the side of abandonment or on the side of being too good a mother. if there is such a thing. i suppose maybe there isn't.

he is my greatest love. but if i sacrifice my identity to that, as with any love, i will lose his respect, and i will lose my spirit, my momentum, my ability to teach him and learn from him. nothing before has prepared me for the guilt, the powerlessness, the fear that accompanies the joy, the wonder, and the eternal hopefulness of motherhood.

it's a complicated thing. love of any sort.